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Alternate Titles: "Magneto's Executive Ball Thing" or "Leo DiCaprio Raped By A Bear"
- Tonight's Beverages: Okocim beer and Mountain Dew (Everyone)
- Explanation of the editing of this week's show.
- Greetings to new FaceSpace Likers and the freebies/deals they got.
- First Music Break: David Bowie, "Never Get Old", "Reality", "New Killer Star"
- We begin our full-spoilers discussion of Star Wars: The Force Awakens with looking at its box office take after a month.
- Bob "I'm Gonna Kill Somebody" Koski recounts seeing the original Star Wars from the perspective as an adult, not the kids Dirk and Otto.
- Dirk's childhood fears of 2001: A Space Odyssey and Bigfoot.
- Dirk's thoughts on how the 3D version looked and his paper mache Darth Vader costume.
- Referenced: Laser projection tech of the future.
- Fact Check: Max Von Sydow is 86 years old.
- The instant bread wasn't a CGI effect!
- Second Music Break: Marilyn Manson, "Golden Years"; Jessica Lange "Life On Mars"; Great Lakes Myth Society w/Stirling, "Look Back In Anger"
- Back to our Star Wars roundtable beginning with:
- Daniel Craig's secret cameo and a guide to other cameos.
- Theories on who are Rey's parents.
- J.J. Abrams says no extended cut coming, just deleted scenes.
- An article pining for Lucas because The Force Awakens sucks.
- Referenced: The Onion - "Man Who Saw ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’ 6 Times Over Holidays Thought It Was Pretty Good"
- Abrams on why he didn't direct Episode VIII and why ripoff charges are unfounded.
- The stupid petition to toss Episode IX director and bring George Lucas back.
- Third Music Break: Bauhaus, "Ziggy Stardust"; Tin Machine, "Baby Universal"; sinclairZX81, "Ace of Dance" ("Ace of Spades" + "Let's Dance" mashup)
- Dirk reviews The Man From U.N.C.L.E. and the Labyrinth Blu-ray.
- Referenced: Gates McFadden (Dr. Crusher from Star Trek: The Next Generation) was the choreographer for Labyrinth!
- Dictator aficionado Sean Penn met escaped drug kingpin El Chapo to write a terrible article for Rolling Stone that even Gawker thought sucked.
- RIP Mr. Celine Dion and Alan Rickman.
- iOS autocorrect briefly turns "lardass" into "Kardashian".
- Woman goes crazy, strips naked and causes ruckus at a Waffle House.
- Exit Music: Queen & David Bowie, "Under Pressure"
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