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Alternate Title: "Katy Perry Is The New Paula Abdul"
- Tonight's Beverages: Labatt Ice (Dirk); Autopilot (Otto)
- Opening greetings and an immediate digression into sports as the Detroit Tigers got completely robbed on Opening Day.
- Mop-up from recent episodes.
- Referenced: Molly Ringwald on Riverdale:
- The buyer of the most expensive record ever - which was discussed on Episode #169 "Clear Glass Hottie Robot" - was revealed to be Jack White, who paid $70,000 for it and will be reissuing it on his Third Man Records label.