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Alternate Titles: "Idiots Is Not A Racial Group" or "George Orwell Has Nothing On Your Photoshop" or "Hugh Jackman Is Ampersand"
- Tonight's Beverages: Water (Dirk); Royal Ballslap (Crown Royal + Angry Orchard, Otto)
- Intro boilerplate and yadda-yadda.
- Dipwad T.J. Miller accused of raping and punching a woman.
- Dustin Hoffman is being accused of stuff.
- Alec Baldwin calls out John Oliver and Stephen Colbert for being inquisitors.
- First Music Break: Billy Squier, "Christmas Is A Time To Say I Love You"; The Kinks, "Father Christmas"
- The hysterical meltdown over the end of Net Brutality gets smacked down at length by Dirk.